I like David Spade and I am probably not a feminist.

Do I get the “worst mom of all times award” just for liking David Spade’s book? I mean, I had no clue! I thought it was hilarious and I was also totally under the impression that David and I were best friends because:

  1. We basically lived the same life in high school.
  2. He (or his social media people, although he doesn’t strike me as the guy who has social media people) liked my instagram post.

There! Best friends.

So then I read some of the reviews and I learned that basically, in order to be a good person, I should not have liked it, apparently. Or maybe I shouldn’t be saying out loud that I liked it… like some of you.

I did actually think I was doing something wrong when the porn chapter came. The whole time I was listening to it, I was thinking: “Wow… Sophia Bush ain’t gonna like this.”

I supposed that was not too feminist of me.

Don’t get me wrong. I was raised to be the most feminist girl on the block. My dad always says he raised me to be independent because he watched his mom suffer so much when she was being abused by his father. She had 6 kids and nowhere to run. She had to accept the affairs and the violence and that was a big part of my dad’s speech when I was growing up.

Then again…

My dad is ALSO the one who said “Geez… I raised you to be the man of the house but maybe what you are doing is a little TOO MUCH?”

I was talking to one of my most feminist friends, who had recently had a baby, and our conclusion was: I just wanna sleep. Screw feminism! Let them work! I’ll stay home. I just wanna sleep. Forever. Just sleep through a night. Thank you.

So, yeah, I like having my voice and my independence but whenever I see someone else’s daily routine on instagram starting with “I SIT DOWN to have breakfast and then I DO MY HAIR AND MAKE UP” I’m like: I quit independence!!! I want *THAT*!

I grab a diet coke to go every morning and *maybe* twice a month I’ll brush my hair before I tie it into a bun and go to work, people! I am freaking tired! 98 out of 100 days, I wish I was baking pies all day… ideally yo a non-abusive husband who does not throw on my face the fact that he is the one paying the bills every day… did I just get too ideal here?

I guess we all learned from this book that David Spade is a jerk. Well, that explains it. I probably like jerks. I probably am a jerk too! As long as he makes me laugh, I am totally cool with it.

I need David right now.

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